The Chemicals Between Us
by LeftyGeek
Summary: AU/AH. Rose has a successful career, a loving boyfriend, and a past that's quickly coming back to haunt her. Chemical reactions? Well, those are predictable. People's reactions, on the other hand? You just never know. When it comes to life, there are no easy answers- and the lessons learned leave scars that never heal. [Rose's POV]
1. Chapter 1

**The Chemicals Between Us**

_The chemicals between us  
The walls that lie between us  
Lying in this bed  
The chemicals displaced  
There is no lonelier place  
Than lying in this bed_

_-Bush, The Chemicals Between Us_

**A/N: Okay, so this story is really different from any other fanfiction I've ever written, because it is AU and all human. I've only got a few chapters written so far, and I'd like to see what you all think of it, or if you think I should continue… so please let me know. The layout of the story is a little confusing. It's all in Rose's POV, but this first chapter starts out in present day. Following this, there will be quite a few chapters that take place nine years earlier. Eventually, the story will come back to present day and continue from there. Please read and see what you think so far! **** Thanks!**

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."  
― C.G. Jung

[Present Day]

I groaned as the alarm on my iPhone started beeping yet again. Cursing incoherently, I switched it off. Burying my face into my pillow, I felt strong arms snake around my waist.

"Rose, do you really have to leave?" Adrian's breath was warm against the back of my neck as he pulled himself closer to me. I closed my eyes for a moment, wishing I didn't have to go.

"Sorry, sweetie, I have to."

"I know. I'm just gonna miss you," he mumbled in his adorably sleepy voice. I turned to face him.

"I'll miss you too, sweetie." I placed my hand on his stubbly cheek. A crooked smirk spread across his face, and those emerald green eyes gleamed up at me. I really, really didn't want to go. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, knowing I couldn't afford to take any more time. I slipped out of bed, regretting it immediately when my feet hit the cold, wooden floor. I stumbled for the bathroom.

A half an hour later, I emerged, fully dressed in business attire. A charcoal gray pencil skirt and matching blazer covered my crisp, mint button down. My long brown hair was twisted neatly into a bun at the nape of my neck. I was even wearing pantyhose—god-awful, torturous things! I slipped on a pair of black pumps and took in my reflection in the full-length bedroom mirror. I looked… professional. It was quite different from my usual style, and yet I had to admit there was something I liked about it. My makeup was subtle and fresh. I looked authoritative—like I deserved respect.

"Alright, who are you and what did you do with my girlfriend?" demanded a voice from the doorway. I turned to see Adrian gawking at me with a raised eyebrow. I put my hands on my hips and glared at him sternly, forcing myself not to smile.

"You'd better watch it there, buddy. I've got it on good word that your girlfriend could probably poison your ass. Or blow it up."

"Well we do have some pretty good chemistry." Adrian chuckled as he walked over and embraced me in a hug. "And don't go getting offended. That look is hot." I laughed at him.

"Well don't get used to it. These clothes are uncomfortable." I tugged at my shirt collar.

"I could help you out with that," Adrian breathed in my ear, slipping his hands underneath my blazer and around my waist.

"I can't babe," I said, sadly. "I'm going to be late." His green eyes darkened with sadness. I hated having to leave him. I was only going to be gone a few days, but I knew he would miss me. I'd almost lost him once, so many years ago, and I couldn't bear the thought of it happening again. That and it was hard to tell if he'd be able to survive without starving, or burning down the apartment trying to make something to eat. The poor guy was so helpless sometimes. He stared down at me with big puppy dog eyes.

"I love you," I said to him, pulling him close to me. God, he always smelled so good.

"I love you too, pretty lady." He leaned down and we shared a sweet, loving kiss. "I love you so much I even made you coffee." He winked at me.

"And now I love you even more!" I exclaimed, giving him another peck on the lips. I left his embrace and headed for the kitchen.

I downed a cup of coffee in under two minutes. Adrian reemerged from our bedroom, toting my luggage with him. He placed it by the door for me.

"Are you sure you have everything?" he asked. I resisted the urge to tease him for trying to be responsible. He was the type who would probably go on vacation for a week and forget to pack any clean underwear—not that I was much better, since I was chronically disorganized.

"We'll find out," I replied. I grabbed my briefcase from the sofa and sat it next to my luggage. I glanced at the clock on the wall. 7:55. "Liss should be here any minute."

"I know," Adrian replied. Seeing him so sad at the thought of me leaving was pretty adorable. But it made my heart ache too. I smiled up at him, memorizing his stubbly face, those electric green eyes, hair still messy from sleep. I pulled myself into his arms again, holding him tightly. "I'm going to miss you," he said softly. I could tell he was really hurting.

"I'll call you as soon as I can," I promised. "And I'll be back before you know it. So you better behave yourself." I teased.

"Oh damn," Adrian muttered. "Note to self… cancel the strippers, the booze, the steel drum band…"

"Steel drum band?" I questioned, laughing.

"Sure, why not?"

"You're too much." I shook my head.

"You love every minute of it."

"I don't know about _every_ minute." We both laughed, and he leaned down to kiss me. I put my hands on his face and enjoyed his soft lips pressed against mine. We were interrupted from the ring of my cell phone in my purse. Regretfully, I broke away from our kiss.

"Lissa's here."

Adrian responded with a pouty face.

"Walk me down to the car, Pouty!" I demanded, grabbing my briefcase and purse, leaving my luggage for him.

My best friend Lissa and I were headed to a convention on biochemical research in Houston, Texas. We were both recent PhD recipients; Lissa's in neuroscience and mine in medicinal chemistry. A few years ago, I never would have guessed in a million years that I would have earned a PhD someday. Lissa was always a huge brain, but I'd never been the studious type until college. Something about chemistry just clicked with me, and I'd worked my ass off to get where I was. But I had to admit, it was pretty fucking great.

At the convention, I was going to be presenting my dissertation work on genetic variation in hepatic oxidative metabolism and its effects on SSRI antidepressants. I was damn proud of it, too. And admittedly a little nervous. But I loved the work I did. Many of my colleagues and old classmates from my undergraduate days would be at the convention, and I couldn't wait for them to see my success. There were a few whose faces I really wanted to rub it in, but that's another story.

Lissa's silver BMW was pulled up out front. At least we had a hot ride to the airport. She waved to me from the driver's seat and popped open the trunk for my luggage. Adrian loaded it and turned to face me.

"I guess this is goodbye, babe."

"Only for four days, sweetie," I said, taking both of his hands. "Think you can live without me for that long?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I sure as hell better. You promised me a souvenir," he reminded me. "I still want a cowboy hat."

"I am not getting you a cowboy hat," I told him for the twentieth time. "But I do promise I'll miss you." I stretched up and gave him a long goodbye kiss, not wanting to let him go. But I knew we needed to get to the airport. I pulled my lips from his, inhaling deeply and taking in his scent.

"I love you," he told me, pressing his forehead against mine.

"I love you too." We walked around to the passenger side of the car and he opened the door for me.

"Get going before I decide to kidnap you," he told me as I released his hand and climbed into the car. He waved hello to Lissa, and glanced down at me one last time as Lissa pulled the car away from the curb.

I waved to him, feeling guilty over his sad expression as he waved back. I pulled on my seatbelt.

"He looked like he was having a hard time saying goodbye," said Lissa.

"Yeah." I paused, memories flooding back to me. "He can be so helpless sometimes. I hope I still have an apartment when I get back." I added quickly. Lissa giggled.

"Men." She shook her head.

"Speaking of which, how is Aaron doing?" Aaron was Lissa's boyfriend of two years. They'd met in grad school. Aaron was a chemical engineer, and in my opinion, a bit of a bore. He didn't have much by the way of personality. But Lissa seemed happy with him, so that was what mattered.

"He's good," Lissa said vaguely. "He's always really busy with work lately." She sounded a little sad.

"Well, aren't we all?" I said, trying to sound cheerful.

"How's Adrian?" she asked me.

"Same old, same old," I replied. "He's been working on sculpture lately, but he has so much trouble ever finishing anything. The gallery would like to show more of his work, but he doesn't have anything to give them."

"It's a shame. He's so talented," said Lissa. It was true. He was. I'd met Adrian my senior year of high school. He'd transferred to our school after getting kicked out of a private, all boy's prep school for drinking. He was never the scholarly type, which was how we became friends in the first place. We used to cut class and get drunk together several times a week. But one subject Adrian always loved was art. He was really good, too.

He wasn't going to go to college, but Lissa and I talked him into coming with us and studying art. Quite frankly, the only reason I'd wanted to go to college was for the parties, but I eventually changed my ways. Adrian was never a great student, but he did eventually earn his bachelor's degree. Even though we'd been good friends, sometimes with benefits included, we didn't officially start dating until my junior year of college. We'd been together ever since. Sometimes I did get a little frustrated that he didn't seem motivated to do anything more with his life. He was so much more amazing than he realized. But I did love him dearly. I just wished he could be more responsible.

"I just want to get on that plane and take a nap," sighed Lissa. "I got almost no sleep last night, and I want to be top notch whenever we meet up with everyone for dinner tonight."

"Yeah, me too." I'd almost forgotten. We were meeting with a group of our old undergraduate classmates who'd also be attending the convention for a banquet dinner tonight.

"You know, I'm sure Avery Lazar will be there." Lissa rolled her eyes. Avery was—there wasn't any way to put it nicely—a total bitch. She'd spent all four years of college trying to flaunt how she was better than everyone else. Lissa had caught her cheating on an exam and reported it, and she'd made Lissa's life a living hell.

"Ugh, I'm sure she will," I replied. "I heard she got a job at GlaxoSmithKline."

"Yeah. She only has a master's degree though," said Lissa. "We can rub that in her face." I grinned. Lissa was usually the sweetest person in the world, but she really had it out for Avery, even after all these years.

"Aww, I wonder if Mason or Eddie will be there!" I exclaimed, thinking of two of our old friends. Mason Ashford and Eddie Castile used to be best friends and two of the funniest guys I'd known. I hadn't heard from them in a few years so I wasn't sure what either of them were up to anymore.

"Aww, I hope so!" Lissa exclaimed, grinning. "Do you remember that time back in organic chemistry lab when Eddie caught that beaker of ethanol on fire?" I laughed.

"Oh god, that was priceless. I thought Dr. Alto was going to murder him."

"Oh, I hope Jill's there too. She's such a sweetheart. I talked to her a month or two ago. She had a job offer at Johns Hopkins."

"That's awesome. She always worked so hard." Jill Mastrano was another one of our good friends who'd lived in our dorm building. "God, you know who I hope isn't there?" I asked suddenly.

"Who?"

"Natalie Dashkov."

"Aww, she was always a nice girl, Rose." Lissa defended her.

"I know, but she gets on my nerves!" I whined. Thinking back on our old friends and memories, it was almost as though Lissa and I were transported back in time. We spent the rest of the car ride to the airport reminiscing about our old friends and the good old days.

A couple of hours and a few cocktails later, we were on a plane, headed straight for a journey down memory lane.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

[Nine Years Ago]

_ "C'mon Rose. Take chemistry with me. Please?"_

_ "Ugh, chemistry, seriously? What do you think I am, some kind of nerd?" Lissa and I were scheduling classes for our first semester of college. _

_ "It'll be a good class to have since you're still undeclared, especially if you decided to go into the sciences…"_

_ "Like that'll ever happen," I cut her off._

_ "Please?" Lissa begged. I couldn't say no to my best friend._

_ "Well, maybe I'll get to learn how to blow shit up," I reasoned. _

_ "Rose, they're not going to teach you how to—"_

_ "Liss, if you want me to take the class, then please don't kill my hopes for fun."_

_ "So you'll do it then?"_

_ "Ugh, I guess so," I grumbled. Lissa grinned. Lissa planned to study medicine. I personally thought she was crazy. The only things I planned to study were as many hot guys as I could find and as much alcohol as my liver could take. This was college after all. But, taking a class with Lissa might not be a bad idea. I could always copy her homework and hopefully at least pass. Besides, playing with chemicals in a lab might actually be kind of fun. _

I recalled that conversation with Lissa as we trudged across campus to our very first college class: chemistry. It was the first day of classes. I'd had big plans for a cute outfit, make-up, and perfectly styled hair. But 9 a.m. came much earlier than I'd wanted (especially since I'd been drinking until 3), and so I'd put on a pair of jeans, flip-flops, and a simple orange top. I was starting to understand why I'd heard that a lot of people just wore pajamas to class. That was something I needed to look into. My hair was thrown back into a ponytail, and I hadn't even given makeup a thought.

Lissa, of course, looked adorable, like normal. Her blonde hair was loose and wavy, and her light makeup made her flawless skin look even more spectacular. She wore a pretty, light teal, sleeveless sundress and white sandals. She was so gorgeous, and I don't even think she realized it. I'd seen at least six guys stop and stare at us as we walked. Lissa was oblivious. She was chatting on and on about how excited she was for classes—not that I was really listening. I had a headache and all I wanted was to go back to bed. Lissa led the way as we walked into the science building. I was glad she knew what was going on. I didn't have a clue where we were going. We walked down a hallway and turned through a set of double doors, entering into a small lecture hall. She headed for a seat right in the front row.

"Seriously, Liss? Right up front?"

"Yes, I want a good seat."

"Maybe you didn't get the memo, but the good seats are in the back."

"Rose, I want to be able to see to take good notes." She proceeded to the front and center of the lecture hall. I groaned and followed.

"I'll always love you, but I hate you right now." She just smiled at me smugly. Reaching into her book bag, she pulled out a notebook, a pen, and a textbook that looked heavy enough to double as a good weapon.

"Aww, man, seriously? There's a book?" I groaned.

"Yeah. Didn't you look over the course requirements, Rose?"

"What's that?" Lissa just looked at me and shook her head. Taking a cue from others around me, I pulled out the only notebook and pen I had, flipping open to the first page. I probably wouldn't bother taking notes, but I figured I'd at least make it look good since I was sitting in the front row. Damn it, Lissa was going to make me actually have to work!

I was just about to start wallowing in my misery when I noticed a really hot guy walking through the door. He was tall—really tall—with shoulder-length, black hair and tanned skin. He had deep chocolate brown eyes, and a handsome, chiseled face. He had a slender, but muscular build, dressed simply in jeans and a t-shirt. Damn, that was what I called sexy. Well, if he was in this class, then it might not be so bad… He was walking down near where Lissa and I were sitting. _Next to me, next to me_, I was chanting in my head. But he didn't sit next to me.

He walked behind the instructor's bench. My jaw probably hit the floor.

"He's the professor?" I hissed to Lissa. He didn't look very old. He had to be straight out of grad school.

"Yeah, that's Dr. Belikov. He just got his PhD in physical organic chemistry. This is only his second year of teaching."

"How did you know all of that?"

"I read the website, Rose. I like to know my professors' credentials." Lissa said this as though it was the most common thing in the world. God, smart people. However, this class had certainly just gotten a lot more interesting.

Professor Belikov glanced around at the class. I flashed him one of my stunning grins when he looked in my direction. There was something in his eyes—amusement? Maybe attraction? God, I hoped so.

I watched him as the rest of the class filtered in and found seats. He flipped through a stack of papers on a clipboard, oblivious to my eyes on him. But when he abruptly glanced up, his eyes came straight to mine. I felt my cheeks redden as I shifted my glance away.

"Rose, what are you doing?" Lissa asked quietly. "There are hundreds of hot guys on this campus. Can't you choose one that's not a faculty member?"

"Uh-huh," I answered her vaguely, barely paying attention. A moment later, Dr. Belikov spoke.

"Alright, we'll go ahead and get started." Holy shit, he had an accent! Russian, maybe? It was so hot. This semester was going to be torture. He was all business as he addressed us. His face didn't even crack a smile. It was a shame though, because I'll bet he had a gorgeous one. "This is chemistry 131. I hope you're all in the right place. If not, we'll find out soon enough. I'm going to call roll since it's the first day, although I don't regularly take attendance. You're advised to attend class if you expect to do well. Now, when I call your name, please tell me if you prefer to be called something different." He began calling names. I chilled out, listening to the beautiful rolling r's of his accent.

"Dragomir, Vassilisa."

"It's Lissa, please, sir." Lissa answered him. He cracked the slightest hint of a smile—at Lissa calling him sir, I think.

"Alright, thank you, Lissa," he said, making a note on his clipboard. He continued calling names, getting closer to the h's.

"Hathaway, Rosemarie."

"You can call me Rose," I said sweetly, flashing him a smile again. There was something in his eyes as they met mine—I swear! But maybe it was just wishful thinking.

"Thank you…Rose." He said, pausing to write it down. He continued through roll call. I yawned sleepily. It was too, too early. I just wanted to sleep. Lissa prodded me with her pencil as I started to put my head down on the miniscule desk. She glared at me, as if to say "What do you think you're doing?" I shrugged.

But somewhere in my sleepy daze, Dr. Belikov had finished calling role and was now using a laser pointer to point out the huge periodic table on the front wall. There was a collective shuffle throughout the room as everyone began preparing to take notes. Awkwardly, I pretended to do the same.

Something about alkali earth metals and halo-something or the other, and some atomic mass thingies, and then I kind of stopped paying attention altogether. I watched Dr. Belikov, the way his hands gestured while he spoke, the way his eyes seemed to light up over a subject he was passionate about. A few times while he was speaking, he made eye contact with me. Finally I realized that I'd only been staring at him without taking any notes. My page was completely blank.

I was completely lost in the lecture, so I started writing the first thought that came to mind.

_Dr. Belikov is hot. He can teach me about chemistry any time. _

I smirked to myself at what I'd written. It was a good thing Lissa was too busy paying attention to the lecture to see what I was doing, or I'm sure I would've gotten poked with her pencil again. Lecture droned on, and suddenly the guy to my right was passing me a stack of papers. I took on and handed the stack to Liss.

"What's this?" I wondered aloud.

"It's the syllabus," said Lissa quietly, raising an eyebrow. I looked down at the paper, which was clearly labeled _Chemistry 131- Chemical Bonding- Fall 2004- Syllabus_. I shoved it in the back of my notebook.

"Before we finish up, I just want to point out a few things on the syllabus I've just handed you," said Dr. Belikov. "Firstly, you will notice that I've listed the required textbook. Purchase it at the bookstore if you haven't already. Secondly, the date of all three exams is listed. They are subject to change at my discretion, but you will be notified at least one week prior. Additionally, we will have one quiz every week, on Fridays. Finally, my email, office number, and office hours are printed in the upper right hand corner of the page. Don't hesitate to email me or stop by if you have any questions or if you need help understanding the material. Alright, that's all I have for you for this morning. Enjoy the rest of your day." There was a collective shuffle and rumble of voices as everyone began grabbing their belongings to leave. I turned to Lissa.

"Rose, did you even pay attention to lecture?" she asked.

"I—uh…"

"You had like two lines of notes written the whole time. I have three pages. This isn't high school anymore, Rose. You have to at least try."

"Damn, Liss. Why do you care what I do?"

"Because I don't want you to fail out of college your first semester. You could do this if you tried. We have a quiz on Friday and I'll bet all that stuff about the periodic table will definitely be on it." I sighed.

"You're right," I agreed reluctantly. "I'll try. Will you help me with what we learned today?" Lissa rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

"Of course I will." I still wasn't keen on actually trying to learn anything, but I figured Dr. Belikov might like me better if I wasn't failing his class. In fact, maybe he'd really like me if I did really well. Suddenly, doing well in chemistry became really important to me. I'd impress my hot professor with my intellect, because anyone with a PhD in chemistry had to be a huge nerd.

Later that night, Lissa and I were in our dorm room. We were roommates, of course. I was sprawled out across my bed, looking at the collage of pictures I'd hung up on the wall the other day. I'd wanted to go out again tonight, but I'd finally agreed with Lissa that it would be a better idea to stay in and start studying.

We'd gone by the bookstore, and I got the book I needed for chemistry. I also got books for my other classes: freshman English, World History, and Pre-calculus, and a lab notebook for chemistry lab. With Lissa's advice, I'd picked up some more notebooks, folders, pens and pencils, and a calculator. They were now neatly organized in my backpack.

"Here," Lissa handed me a composition book. "You should copy down my notes from chemistry today."

"Yeah, I guess so," I agreed. "You know, that's my favorite class. None of my other professors are sexy." Lissa shook her head at me and laughed.

"Rose, you're too much. I think you'd better let your crush on Dr. Belikov go. It's not like you can actually do anything."

"Why not?"

"He's a professor. Do you want to get expelled?"

"That means I wouldn't have to drag my ass out of bed and go to classes every day, right?"

"_Rose_," Lissa groaned.

"What?" I smiled innocently. She shook her head.

"I know you, Rose. You're headed for trouble with him. I can feel it."

"He won't be able to resist me. You wait and see." Lissa rolled her eyes.

"The man's a genius, Rose. Not to mention that he's gorgeous and has his PhD in a super difficult field. I don't think he's interested in you."

"Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence, Lissa."

"I didn't mean it as an insult, Rose. I just meant that I think he knows better…"

"Yeah, yeah." My annoyance was obvious. "I'll show you. Just wait and see."

"Oh, God," Lissa groaned. A grin spread across my face.

"Seriously, Liss. I'll bet you I can get him to sleep with me before Thanksgiving break."

"ROSE!" Lissa looked appalled. I guessed maybe that did sound a little slutty of me. Okay, a lot, really.

"Fine. I'll bet I can get him to kiss me by Thanksgiving Break." Lissa just shook her head.

"I can't even believe we're having this conversation."

"You just wait and see, Liss. I got this." I turned over on my bed and began copying down Lissa's notes. She didn't dignify my last statement with a response. I went over the notes and committed them all to memory. It was time to be a girl who worked for what she wanted. I could do this.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks so much to all of you who have read, reviewed, and followed so far! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Here's another chapter. Please read and review! **

Chapter 3

"Rose, are you really wearing that?" Lissa demanded. It was 8:30 Wednesday morning, and nearly time to head to our chemistry class for the second time. I'd taken the liberty of waking up early and dressing in something that I knew would get me noticed.

"Why, is something wrong with it?" I asked with a flip of my hair. I was wearing a short, red cocktail dress that I'd gotten for a party last summer. It was clingy over my curves, without being too revealing, and had a low-cut back. The dress was completely and utterly inappropriate to wear to class. I'd stand out from a mile away. But that was kind of what I was going for.

"Tell me you're not wearing that to get Dr. Belikov's attention," Lissa begged me. I replied only with a grin.

"Oh my God, I don't know you." She shook her head.

"Does that mean you're not walking to class with me?" She sighed audibly.

"You better be ready to go in five minutes."

"No problem." I turned to the mirror to finish putting on my makeup. I applied lipstick as red as my dress. Then I painted a thick line of black eyeliner on the top of each of my eyelids. Examining my reflection, I arranged my long, deep brown hair that I had styled into beachy waves. If this look didn't catch Dr. Belikov's attention, I didn't know what would. I slipped into matching red heels, just as Lissa began rushing me out the door.

I could feel eyes on me, as we began our walk across campus. Suddenly, a wave of insecurities coursed through me. Maybe dressing like this was really stupid. Still, I pushed through it, holding my head high, showing nothing but confidence. I saw more than a few girls roll their eyes at me. I could sense that Lissa felt uncomfortable walking next to me. We were both silent.

"Rose!" I suddenly heard a familiar voice call my name. Grinning, I turned in the direction of his voice.

"Hey!" I shouted back at Adrian, grinning. He was hurrying towards me, his arm slung around some short blonde whose eyes were shooting daggers at me.

"Well, you look lovely. What's the occasion?" Adrian asked.

"Oh, nothing," I replied vaguely, as Lissa rolled her eyes. The blonde-haired girl pulled herself closer to Adrian, wrapping her arms around his waist. But I could feel his eyes glued to me. "Well, we have to get to class, Adrian. I'll catch you later. Give me call." I grinned and winked as I turned to walk away, enjoying the pissed off look on the little blonde's face.

"I didn't know Adrian had a girlfriend," said Lissa as we walked away.

"Oh, he doesn't." I knew Adrian well enough. "I'd bet you anything he only just met her last night." That was Adrian, always the ladies' man. If he called me later, I was almost sure he'd thank me for scaring that girl off. Adrian had major commitment issues. "Did you see the looks she was giving me, though? That was hilarious."

"It was almost a little mean, Rose," said Lissa honestly. "I mean, you do look really pretty, and Adrian's attention was all on you."

"Hey, I can't help it that I look good," I replied with a smirk, as we walked through the doors to the science building.

Lissa and I took our seats in the front and center of the lecture hall. We were early, so there weren't many people there. No Dr. Belikov yet. I got a number of odd looks as more people began entering through the door though. Lissa noticed me shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

"It's your own fault you dressed that way," she whispered to me.

"I know," I replied. "It'll work though. You'll see."

But it didn't. Dr. Belikov's only acknowledgement of me throughout the whole lecture was when he looked at me near the beginning, and he actually shook his head at me as though he was disappointed! He avoided eye contact with me the rest of the time. Nonetheless, I did try to pay attention to the lecture material this time. It worked…sort of. But I kept getting distracted by my thoughts.

It was one thing not to pay attention to me. But he'd actually shook his head at me—judging me! Were professors even allowed to do that? Who was he to care how I dressed or what I looked like? The more I thought about it, the angrier I felt. Then, I started feeling stupid. Dr. Belikov was obviously really smart. Maybe he thought that I was petty, shallow and unintelligent for dressing this way. Clearly it was time for a new plan. I wouldn't give up.

When class dismissed, I barely noticed. I was still caught up on the thought of Dr. Belikov shaking his head at me.

"Earth to Rose," said Lissa. "Are you coming? I have another class right after this."

"Oh… yeah, I'm coming," I replied. I stuffed my belongings into my bag. But when I went to take the step down from the first row of seats to the main floor, I felt the heel of my shoe catch on the edge of the step. I didn't even have time to try to catch myself. I slammed face-first into the ground with a massive thud.

"Oh my God! Rose!" Lissa shouted. I was more humiliated than hurt. I started trying to scramble to my feet. After a second, I realized that the arms trying to help me weren't Lissa's pale, thin ones, but rather strong, tanned, muscular arms that I suddenly knew belonged to a certain someone. Oh, how I wanted to just die.

"Are you okay, Rose? Do you need medical attention?" I really didn't want to lift my head and look at Dr. Belikov as he helped to pull me up from the ground.

"I'm fine," I mumbled, getting to my feet and smoothing out my dress.

"Are you sure?" His tone was warm. I finally dared to look up at him. He was even taller than I'd realized—probably a good foot taller than me. His eyes were so much more beautiful up close, shining with concern.

"Rose?" asked Lissa, who was standing next to him.

"Oh… yeah, I'm sure." I stammered, snapping out of my daze.

"How about we just make sure you can walk before we go," said Dr. Belikov. I took a few tentative steps, with his hands still around my arm, in case I couldn't support myself. My ankle hurt some, but I could walk okay.

"I can walk okay," I assured him, and Lissa as well.

"Alright then. Just make sure you go to the medical building if that starts hurting worse, okay?" said Dr. Belikov.

"Okay, I will," I said, dumbly. "Thank you." God, how embarrassing was this! Lissa grabbed my bag, which was still on the ground, and we slowly headed for the door.

"Oh, and Rose," added Dr. Belikov. "I think that, in the future, it might be most prudent for you to wear more appropriate footwear to class." I glanced back at him, surprised. His expression was one of slight amusement. Feeling irritated, I turned and left without a word.

Later that day I was having lunch with Lissa in the dining hall. I'd changed clothes into sweatpants, a t-shirt and sneakers, and scrubbed the make-up off of my face. My ankle still hurt, but not too much.

"I can't believe Dr. Belikov shook his head at me," I complained.

"You still haven't let that go?" asked Lissa. "Seriously, are you sure you didn't imagine it? I didn't even see it happen."

"No, Liss," I said, swallowing a bite of pizza. "I didn't imagine it."

"Well, he was nice to you when you fell," Lissa offered. "So I'm sure he doesn't hate you or anything."

"That was like the most humiliating thing that could've happened," I complained, reliving the scene over again in my head. "And did you hear what he said to me when we left?" I demanded.

"He's right. Those were inappropriate shoes for class."

"But why should he judge me like that?"

"Rose, you wore that outfit to be judged." Lissa was right.

"Yeah, but not like that."

"So?" Lissa asked. "Now you know that Dr. Belikov isn't one of those shallow guys who only like girls for their looks. Honestly, I would have been kind of grossed out if he kept gawking at you. We are students and he is considerably older than us." Damn it! Why was Lissa always right? It drove me crazy.

"You make a good point, my friend," I admitted.

"So you're going to give up on this insane quest of yours?" Lissa sounded hopeful.

"No. Instead of my looks, I'm going to impress him with my intelligence and maturity." Lissa fought to keep a straight face, and it was a testament to how good of a friend she was that she didn't crack up laughing. Book smarts and maturity weren't exactly my strong points. Clearly, I had some work to do.

"Ladies." I looked up and a grin automatically spread across my face. I always cheered up around Adrian.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Well hello to you too," Adrian retorted, smirking. "What did you do with that hottie in the red dress from this morning?"

"Oh, she had to take a little trip," answered Lissa, giggling at her own pun. "Sit down, Adrian." She moved her bag to give him a seat.

"Thanks. I was starting to think you guys didn't want me here." I kicked Lissa under the table and gave her a look. I didn't want Adrian to know about Dr. Belikov. Lissa apparently got the memo, because she didn't mention anything else.

"So how are your classes so far, Adrian?" asked Lissa.

"Boring as fuck," Adrian replied. "Except for my painting class. It seems pretty cool so far. What about you guys?"

"We both have chemistry. We like it," said Lissa.

"That sounds terrible," replied Adrian. "You guys are so lucky you get to be roommates. My roommate is annoying. He goes to bed too early, and he always wants everything to be quiet so he can study." Adrian rolled his eyes. "Are you guys sure I can't move in with you?" I laughed. Lissa cringed.

"You are way too messy to live with me. Rose is bad enough!" she exclaimed.

"I'm sure it'll get better, Adrian," I told him. I was concerned though. Adrian was never very good at making friends with other guys. He was always a bit of a loner, although he hid it well. I made a mental note to check on him more often.

"Oh, did you guys hear about the big party this weekend?" Adrian asked. I hadn't. That was a shame. In high school I'd always been one of the first to know about any parties that were going on.

"No. When and where?" I demanded.

"It's Friday night at one of the frat houses over on West Street. We should all go together." Of course, Adrian would be protective of us and not want us to go alone. I did love that about him.

"Definitely!" I replied.

"I don't know," said Lissa. Lissa used to go to parties in high school, sometimes—not as often as me. But lately she was dead set on focusing on nothing but schoolwork.

"It'll be fun, Liss!"

"Maybe," she agreed. Adrian shrugged.

"We'll figure it out." A party sounded exciting. I couldn't wait.

Later that night, I borrowed Lissa's chemistry notes again and memorized away. Our quiz on Friday would be my first chance to show Dr. Belikov that I was smart. I even read the first chapter of our textbook—which I'm pretty sure was a first for me.

Friday morning, dressed normally in jeans and a tank top, I went to chemistry class with Lissa.

"I'm proud of you, Rose. You studied a lot. I'm sure you're going to do really well." Lissa was always trying to encourage me to do better in school.

"Thanks," I said. "I'm sure you'll probably get a perfect score, as usual."

"Oh, I don't know," said Lissa, as we took our seats. She was always modest about her good grades.

At the start of class, Dr. Belikov passed out our quizzes. I looked down through the paper. Excitedly, I realized that I knew the answers-to every question. It was a new experience for me to know all the answers. Usually I guessed half of them, or left them blank. I finished up and turned my paper over. Glancing around me, I noticed that everyone else was still working—even Lissa. I sat back, feeling pleased with myself. I knew I'd done well.

After class, I walked with Lissa over to the humanities building where she had her next class.

"That quiz was pretty difficult. Belikov's tough," Lissa commented.

"I didn't think it was bad," I answered. This conversation was so backwards from normal that it should have gone in record books.

"Really, Rose? You didn't think that was hard? That's awesome. Maybe you'll really end up being good at chemistry." Lissa sounded really excited for me. I shrugged.

"Maybe. At least maybe I'll get a certain professor's attention." Lissa just snorted and rolled her eyes.

"It's great that you're finally working hard, Rose. But you should do it for yourself, not someone else." Damn it, there was Lissa, being right again. How did she always manage to do that?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: A few things… Firstly, I just want to mention that a major theme in this story is growing up, becoming an adult, and learning from some difficult lessons. I am trying to keep this story very real. There are going to be scenes with underage drinking and possibly drug use, struggles with depression, explicit language, mentions of sex (although not in explicit detail), and possibly violence. Currently, I have this story rated as T. I may eventually change it to M if I feel that I should. If any of you feel that it would be better rated as M, just let me know. I just want to be clear about what to expect of this story.**

**Secondly, keep in mind that the earlier part of this story takes place in 2004. I am trying to keep everything as realistic as possible. So, if the clothing, music, and pop culture type references seem strange, this is why. It's intentional. **

**Finally, I just wanted to mention that the next few weeks are going to be quite hectic for me with exams, lab reports, finals, and all that exciting, end-of-the- semester stuff. (Plus I'm super excited to read The Fiery Heart when I can find the time!) I'll keep updating, just not as frequently as I'd like. I'm planning for this story to be a winter break project, so expect more frequent updates then! **

**Alright, that's more than enough of my rambling. Here's chapter 4! Thanks to all who have read and reviewed so far! **

Chapter 4

"I need to go shopping. I seriously have _no_ clothes," I announced. However, surveying the contents of my closet and the floor of my half of the dorm room, that clearly wasn't the case. Lissa, who was sitting on her bed, glanced up at me, eyebrows raised.

"Okay. I mean I have _no_ clothes that I actually_ like_."

It was Friday evening, and I couldn't figure out what to wear to the party. Lissa had decided not to come along, which was disappointing. But she was, of course, willing to offer her fashion advice.

"You have tons of cute stuff!" she argued with me. "I think you should go sort of casual, but not too casual," she recommended, as I held up a strapless, deep purple dress that certainly wasn't casual. "And for the love of God, don't wear heels. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and find out that you broke your neck."

"Liss, I've never fallen in heels until the other day!" I defended myself. She shrugged.

"Yeah, but throw in alcohol and the odds aren't in your favor."

"Hey. This girl can hold her liquor." I stated proudly. "I still can't believe you're not coming. Are you sure you don't want to?"

"Yeah, I really need to study," Lissa answered, glancing at the sprawl of textbooks, notebooks, pencils and calculator spread out across her bed. She didn't sound too sad about it though. She did have more difficult classes than I did, since she had taken so many advanced placement classes in high school. She was already in Calculus II, which looked like hell.

"How about this?" I asked, showing Lissa my outfit. I was wearing a blue and green plaid miniskirt with a dark blue tank top and a sheer light blue t-shirt over top. Lissa scrunched up her face.

"The tops are okay, but I definitely wouldn't wear the skirt out drinking. It's too short."

"Okay," I said. "Jeans then?"

"Yeah." I grabbed my favorite pair of low rise, boot cut jeans. I didn't like them with the blue tops though, so I changed again—this time into a vintage graphic tee for a record store. Lissa shook her head.

"Too casual." She hopped off the bed. Kneeling on the floor, and frowning slightly at my mess, she began flipping through a stack of my tops. "What about this one?" It was a loose-fitting, soft yellow spaghetti-strap tank top with a somewhat low cut back that had a crisscross pattern of straps across it. The late August weather was still really warm. I considered it. "I think it's really cute," added Lissa. I tried it on. Paired with the dark denim of my jeans, the yellow looked good.

"That's perfect," said Lissa. "Now you need shoes. Don't you have yellow flip-flops?"

"Yep." I dug through the bottom of my closet to find them. "Look okay?" I asked Lissa a minute later.

"I think it looks great," she replied. "You're lucky you're so pretty, Rose." I gave her a funny look.

"Umm, hello, Lissa. Have you looked in a mirror lately? You're the one who is freaking gorgeous." Lissa snorted. It was true, though. Lissa was a good five inches taller than me, and super slender—a body that most girls would kill to have.

"I'm too tall—and gangly and awkward looking. Plus my nose is shaped so weird. And have you _seen_ my knees?"

"Geez, Liss," I said, wondering where her insecurities were coming from. "I've never noticed any of those things about you. You're stunning. You could be a model. Hell, you're prettier than most models. Plus, if you're feeling tall, just go stand next to Dr. Belikov for a minute. You'll feel short in no time." She smiled a little.

"I don't know. I mean, I know I'm not ugly. Sometimes I wish I looked more like you though." I shrugged. Our bodies were pretty differently shaped. I was curvier than Lissa—still slim, but not to an extreme, like her. Plus, for years I'd taken to running and lifting weights whenever I was stressed or angry, so my body was more muscular and athletic-looking.

"Sometimes I wish I looked more like you, too," I told her. "I could never pull off half of the clothes you wear. We've just got to take what we can get though, Liss. Neither of us are that unfortunate looking." She smiled.

"You're right," she agreed. "I guess I just wish I had a boyfriend or something."

"Me too, sister. Me too."

"Yeah, but I'd settle for one my own age," said Lissa, with a grin.

"Oh, shut up," I laughed.

I finished getting ready to go to the party. I left my makeup relatively light, and styled my hair so it was stick straight, falling past the middle of my back.

"You look awesome," said Lissa, as I checked my reflection in the mirror.

"Thanks," I replied. "Alright, I'm supposed to go over to Adrian's dorm to meet him. I'll see you later, Liss. Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"Nah, I'm good. Have fun though, Rose. And be careful. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." She grinned.

"Now you know I never play by those rules," I replied, laughing.

"Seriously, though, Rose. Be careful. Call me if you need anything. I'll be here." She gave me a hug.

"Thanks, Lissa. I will. See you later."

I headed across campus. The evening sun was just setting, and the sky was streaked with pinks and purples. There was a slight breeze and the temperature was just right. It was the perfect late summer night. When I got close to Adrian's building, I pulled out my cell phone to give him a call.

"Sup, pretty lady?" Adrian answered. I laughed.

"I'm sorry. I think I must have the wrong number."

"Well then, may I ask who is calling?" There was sarcasm in Adrian's voice.

"This is campus security. I'm calling for a Mr. Adrian Ivashkov." I giggled.

"I believe you do have the wrong number after all," Adrian's voice mimicked a high pitched, British woman. "There's no one named Adrian here."

"Alright, bitch. I'm at your building. Are you coming down or what?" I asked.

"Give me thirty seconds." He hung up before I could say anything else. I hung up, shaking my head. A moment later, Adrian was walking towards me. He was dressed in yellow, too—a vintage yellow tee and cargo shorts.

"Well hello there, sunshine," I said, walking towards him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"What's up, buttercup?" he replied, grinning. He embraced me in a friendly hug. He smelled strongly of liquor.

"Are you already drunk?" I asked.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with a little pre-gaming," he replied. "I still got half a bottle of vodka up in my room. You want some?" It was tempting.

"Nah," I declined. "Someone's gotta make sure your drunk ass gets home tonight."

"I'll be fine, buttercup. Let's roll."

"Quit calling me that."

"But you're so yellow."

"So are you, sunshine."

"That's why they call me mellow yellow." Adrian laughed.

"I love how you think you're funny," I said, as we started walking.

"I _am_ funny."

"Funny looking in that yellow shirt."

"Hypocrite."

"I make this look good," I snapped back with sass. We both burst into laughter.

It wasn't a long walk to the party, which was just off of the edge of campus. As we approached, I could hear music blaring, people shouting and laughing, and overall chaos. We walked up the steps to the front porch, where there were people mingling around. Heading for the door, I glanced around to see if I knew anyone.

"Hey, man!" I heard a guy shout through the screen door.

"What's up, Eddie?" I was a little surprised when Adrian replied. A guy who I assumed was Eddie swung the door open for us.

"Glad ya made it," Eddie replied with a friendly smile. "And who is this lovely lady?" He asked, turning to me.

"This is my friend, Rose," said Adrian.

"Nice to meet you, Rose." Eddie was awfully polite. He seemed like a nice guy.

"You too," I replied.

"Go grab some drinks. In the kitchen. Help yourselves," said Eddie, turning to chat with some others who were arriving. Adrian grabbed my hand and navigated us through the crowded house. The place was already a wreck. Furniture was shoved all over, there were empty pizza boxes, drink cups, and trash strewn throughout. Someone had a strobe light going in the living room and a crowd of people were dancing. The whole place smelled like a mixture of weed, old food, and someone's sweaty armpit. All in all, it wasn't too shabby.

I was expecting to just find a keg in the kitchen, but was shocked to see liquor bottles of all sorts covering almost every bit of counter space.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed, grabbing a plastic cup. I maneuvered my way through some groups of people, and fixed a rum and coke, or a lot of rum with a splash of coke, technically. Adrian made a screwdriver.

"So, how do you know Eddie?" I asked Adrian. "He seems nice."

"He's in my art class," Adrian replied. "His girlfriend is making him take it."

"That's cool," I answered. Deciding that I wasn't going to get nearly drunk enough just sipping, I tipped my cup back and chugged the whole thing.

I heard shouts of encouragement. I looked up to see Adrian, Eddie, and another guy with red hair and freckles all cheering me on. I laughed.

"What can I say, boys? I drink like a girl." I flashed them all a grin. "Problems? Can't keep up?" Adrian snorted. And with that, he immediately downed the rest of his drink.

"Yeah, your little fruity drink," I teased, really feeling the effects of the alcohol. I poked him hard in the shoulder with my index finger.

"Fine," he answered. "Look here, buttercup." He reached over to the counter and grabbed the nearest bottle, which happened to be some very cheap vodka. He removed the cap and took a giant swig. I could tell from the look on his face that it tasted horrible. But he kept drinking a good bit. I shook my head.

"Two can play that game sunshine." I snatched the bottle from him, and took a few huge gulps. It burned like crazy and I nearly gagged, but I wasn't going to let Adrian make me look bad. I was vaguely aware of the red-head boy asking Eddie who the crazy people were.

A moment later, the world was starting to spin a little. But it was a good kind of spin. The blaring music caught my attention.

"Adrian! Let's dance!" I exclaimed suddenly, grabbing his arm.

"Okay!" he agreed, with equal enthusiasm. I led the way as we headed for the living room. I started moving to the beat, giggling as I realized I was even drunker than I thought. Adrian joined me.

_So she's all up in my head now  
Got me thinkin' that it might a good idea to take her with me  
Cause she's ready to leave  
(Ready to leave)  
Now I gotta keep it real now  
Cause on a one-to-ten she's a certified twenty  
But that just ain't me, hey_

Soon I lost myself completely in the music. It had been a long time since I'd been dancing, and I'd forgotten how much fun it was. Adrian was a good dancer, too. The song ended, and the next began to play.

"I love this song!" I shouted to Adrian.

_So 1, 2, 3, take my hand and come with me  
because you look so fine  
and i really wanna make you mine._

I say you look so fine  
that I really wanna make you mine.

He laughed and grabbed both of my hands, swinging me around. We danced completely outlandishly, laughing all the while. He leaned close to my ear and sang along.

"_Well I could see,  
you home with me,  
but you were with another man, yea!  
I know we,  
ain't got much to say,  
before I let you get away, yea!  
I said, are you gonna be my girl?"_

Adrian could actually sing rather well. He had a pretty adorable voice. I wondered how I'd never noticed it before.

"In your dreams," I replied to the last line of the song, with a wink and a cheesy grin. "I need another drink!" I added, as the song ended. "I'll be right back!" Adrian nodded.

In the kitchen I helped myself to another rum and coke, which I gulped down greedily, eager to get back to dancing.

When I returned to the living room, Adrian was dancing with another girl. I laughed and shook my head. Girls were always lining up left and right for him. I thought about cutting in, but figured I'd let him have his fun.

"Hey, it's Rose, right?" said a voice behind me. I spun around. It was the red-haired guy from earlier. He had a kind smile and a dusting of freckles across his face.

"Yep," I replied. "Sorry, I didn't catch your name earlier."

"I'm Mason," he said.

"Nice to meet you." He was pretty cute. I immediately thought of Lissa, who'd just been complaining about not having a boyfriend. I wasn't quite sure if he was her type though.

"You wanna dance?" he asked. I glanced over at Adrian, who didn't seem concerned that I wasn't back yet.

"Sure."

_When I move you move (just like that?)  
When I move you move (just like that?)  
When I move you move (just like that?)  
Hell yeah! Hey DJ bring that back!  
_

Dancing with Mason wasn't quite as much fun as dancing with Adrian. He was more timid, and maintained more of a distance from me than most awkward sixth graders at their first school dance. Still, I was having a good time.

"Sorry, hip-hop's not really my thing!" Mason shouted to me over the beat.

"No worries! Mine either!" I only really liked it for the purpose of drunken dancing. I glanced at Adrian again. This time he was watching me. Some different girl was dancing with him, but he was paying little attention. His eyes kept flickering between me and Mason. I was curious what that was all about. The song ended and another began.

"Now this is a great song," said Mason, as Green Day's Basket Case poured through the speakers.

"Agreed!" Since it wasn't much of a dancing song, we both began belting out the lyrics. I'm not a good singer. Lissa once compared my singing voice to a half-dead hyena that was in desperate need of being put out of its misery. As a matter of fact, to this day I was banned from ever singing in her car, under any circumstances. But at the moment, I didn't care.

"_Sometimes I give myself the creeps  
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me  
It all keeps adding up  
I think I'm cracking up  
Am I just paranoid?  
Am I just stoned?"_

Others were singing along too. It was suddenly like a bad karaoke night gone wrong. At least some of them were definitely more tone deaf than me! But when I caught a glance from Adrian he made a face at me and put his hands over his ears. I stuck my tongue out at him and began belting the song out even louder.

By the time the song was over, I was pretty out of breath.

"That was fun," I said to Mason. "I need to grab another drink." He nodded, but didn't follow. I was kind of glad. He was nice, but I wasn't interested, and I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. In the kitchen, I gulped down some tequila, feeling a strong need to keep this buzz going. And it was definitely going, all right. I made my way back to the living room, swaying only slightly, although I was really feeling the alcohol. I narrowly avoided tripping over a group of people who were sitting on the floor passing a bowl. I wondered briefly why they weren't using the furniture, and then I realized that most of it was being used for other sorts of activities.

Some more dance-worthy music was playing again, and I soon spotted Adrian, dancing with yet another girl. This one was tall and slim, with dark brown hair and cold, gray eyes that fell on me as soon as I looked at them. She was dancing close to him—really close.

I felt a sudden flare of jealousy. Who did that bitch think she was? Adrian came here with me. I'd fix this. I pushed through the crowd of people towards them.

_Says he wants you  
He says he needs you  
It's real talk, then why not make him wait for you  
If he really wants you  
If he really needs you  
Really got to have you  
Take your time and feel him out  
When he's a good boy  
I mean a really really good boy  
Why not let him lay with you  
That's when you give it to him good_

That girl was seriously grinding all over Adrian, who appeared to be enjoying himself. My fist had a very strong desire to make contact with her bony face. But I kept my cool. I walked over to them and put my hand on Adrian's shoulder, ignoring her completely.

"Hey babe," I said, flashing him a grin. He looked startled, but it was enough to take his attention away from the girl. I heard her let out an irritated sigh. I slid my hand down to Adrian's chest.

"What is it?" he asked me.

"I just thought we could dance," I answered, leaning close to him. Bony Face had taken a step back, and suddenly seemed to feel awkward. I resisted the urge to laugh. Adrian seemed somewhat distracted by me, but not enough. So I did the most logical thing I could think of.

I leaned in and kissed him.

His lips tasted sweet and they were softer than I remembered. We'd only ever kissed once before, months ago, and we'd decided we weren't interested in one another that way. But tonight was making me wonder. If he had still been thinking about that girl a few seconds ago, she was certainly forgotten now. He was kissing me back, fiercely, passion radiating from him as he pulled me close, his fingers winding through my hair.

When we finally stopped kissing, I looked into his eyes. They were electric green—how had I never noticed how beautiful they were before? He was silent for a few seconds—in shock, I think.

"Rose?" he asked finally. "How drunk are you?" I giggled in response, pressing my body against his as I danced.

"Uh-huh, that's what I thought."

_Dip it low  
Pick it up slow (ohhh)  
Roll it all around  
Poke it out let your back roll  
Pop pop pop that thing  
Ima show you how to make your man say "Ooo" (ima show you how to make him)  
Dip it low (ouhhh  
Pick it up slow  
Roll it all around  
Poke it out let your back roll  
Pop pop pop that thing  
Ima show you how to make your man say "Ooo"_

I stared up at Adrian—his messy hair, that adorable smile. How had I never noticed it before? He seemed pretty intent on me, too. What was going on? I had a faint feeling in the back of my mind that this wasn't right, but at the moment I didn't care. When Adrian bent down to kiss me again, I didn't object at all. I only hoped that Bony Face was seeing this.

"You're beautiful, Rose," Adrian whispered in my ear, and gave me a soft kiss on the neck. It felt good to be wrapped in his arms—like I could just get lost there, even for just a little while.

"Do you want to get out of here?" I asked him, remembering that he'd said earlier that his roommate had gone home for the weekend. The thought of being alone with him suddenly consumed me. He seemed more than eager to comply, and was soon leading me to the door.

Outside, standing in the front lawn, we started making out again urgently. The feel of him was more intoxicating than the alcohol. My whole world was spinning and I didn't want it to stop.

"We should get back to my room," Adrian slurred. I realized he seemed drunker than I thought. I wondered briefly how much he'd had to drink since I hadn't been with him the whole night. We walked in the direction of his dorm, holding hands, and helping to support one another. I felt like we were walking in a reasonably decent straight line, although it was requiring a lot of effort.

"Rose?" said Adrian.

"Yeah?" he was silent for a second. I turned to face him, and he took both of my hands, gazing down at me. He opened his mouth to speak, but paused. A moment later, he dropped my hands and leaned the other direction, vomiting profusely into a bush. I cringed as I felt some splatter on my feet. Still I tried my best to help him, although my balance wasn't great. Vomiting myself was starting to feel like a good option.

"C'mon, Adrian," I said, tugging at his arm, trying to pull him up from the ground. We can't stay out here. The campus police might find us." After a moment of coaxing, I had him back on his feet. He leaned on me, and I giggled as we stumbled along. How ridiculous was this?

We stopped a few times, but eventually made it back to his building. Getting up the stairs to his room was another story, but we eventually made it.

My hopes of a good night were ruined, as he curled up in the bathroom, getting sick several more times.

Slowly, the liquor was starting to wear off, and I felt slightly stupid about what had happened earlier. Adrian was one of my best friends. Having feelings for him was silly. Stupid alcohol. But there _was_ something sexy about him. He was no Dr. Belikov though, and that was all there was to it.

I checked on him in the bathroom, where he seemed to have stopped getting sick.

"Come to bed, Adrian," I said to him, trying to help him up, although he was barely conscious.

"I'm sorry, Rose," he muttered incoherently.

"It's okay, sweetie. Come on." I helped him up and back to his bed, but only barely. I noticed that he'd thrown up all over his shirt. I helped him take it off before he went to sleep.

"You're undressing me," he giggled, amused. I shook my head at him. I soon noticed that he wasn't the only one covered in vomit. My shirt had its fair share too.

"Ugh," I groaned, looking down at myself. Figuring Adrian wouldn't care, I grabbed one of his clean t-shirts and changed into it, tossing my shirt carelessly on the floor. Adrian was already stretched out on his bed, probably passed out. I didn't want to leave him alone, not knowing if he'd be okay, so I began to stretch out on the floor. I thought it seemed too weird to sleep on his roommate's bed.

"Rose?" I heard Adrian's incoherent voice.

"Hmm?"

"Sleep up here." He scooted over on his bed. I hesitated a moment, before climbing under the covers and snuggling up next to one of my best friends, whom I loved dearly, and may have made a serious mistake with tonight. It only took me a moment to drift off to sleep.

**A/N: Here's a list of songs used in this chapter, in the order that they appear:**

"**Yeah" by Usher**

"**Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" by Jet**

"**Stand Up" by Ludacris**

"**Basket Case" by Green Day**

"**Dip it Low" by Christina Milian**

**This chapter was difficult for me and took longer than I'd anticipated. Sorry for that. I hope you liked it. I'm hoping to have another chapter finished in a few days. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, guys. But finals are finally over! Yay! And in celebration, here is chapter 5! Hope you like it!**

Chapter 5

I woke up to a sledgehammer bashing into my skull. At least that's what it felt like. _Where the fuck am I?_ I wondered, flinching when I realized there was another person in bed with me. I desperately tried to piece together my memories of the night before. They were fuzzy, but it only took me a few seconds to realize that the guy I was in bed with was Adrian. And I hadn't slept with him. That was a relief. I'd never had a one night stand, and I was certainly glad I hadn't had one with my closest guy friend. I didn't need the awkwardness that certainly would have followed.

The more I remembered about the night before, the more I realized that things were going to be awkward between us anyway. I remembered how I'd decided to kiss Adrian, to get him away from that other girl. I remembered how he'd kissed me back. And he'd been so into it. I knew my decisions had mostly been the result of alcohol. I just hoped his had been too. Adrian was so dear to me. I did love him, very much—but we could never be together. We were too close for that. We knew each other too well. Aside from Lissa, he knew me better than anyone else in the world. It was terrifying and immensely valuable, having someone who knew everything about you and still never judged you. I was fortunate enough to have two of them. I couldn't risk losing one by dating him.

He was definitely sexy though—and a good kisser. It wasn't at all surprising that most girls were crazy for him. Of course he loved the attention. He was such a player. I wondered how many other girls had slept in this very bed, wearing far fewer clothes than I was. That thought grossed me out a little. I tried to forget about it, seeing as my stomach was still feeling queasy from the alcohol. I desperately wished for a glass of water and some Tylenol, but I didn't want to move. Besides, I doubted Adrian had Tylenol anyway.

I shifted slightly on the bed, and Adrian stirred, slipping an arm around me.

"Hey babe," he mumbled sleepily, his eyes still closed. I wasn't quite sure how to reply. A few seconds later, his eyes fluttered open. "Rose?" He exclaimed in surprise, looking concerned. "Oh god, we didn't…?"

"No, we didn't."

"Oh. Good." Adrian seemed relieved. Part of me was almost insulted, but I was mostly glad that he felt that way. "What the fuck happened last night?" he asked, placing a hand on his forehead. We were silent a moment while he thought. "You kissed me!"

"Yeah… about that… um…"

"I kissed you back, too." He admitted after a moment, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah. So you can't blame it all on me!" I joked, sticking out my tongue.

"Shit happens when you're drunk, Rose," he said. "Let's not worry about it. I've always known you were secretly madly in love with me anyway." He added teasingly.

"How'd you guess?" I asked, playfully snuggling closer to him.

"Hey, don't give me any ideas," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Even if you are my best friend, right now you're still a sexy woman in my bed." I giggled.

"Don't you even think about it! It didn't happen when we were drunk, so it sure as hell isn't going to happen while we're sober." We both laughed.

"You're the best, Rose," said Adrian, resting his head against my shoulder. I was silent. "Seriously, I couldn't have asked for a better friend. Most people would have just left my drunk ass on the sidewalk last night. You made sure I got home, and you stayed with me."

"I wasn't going to leave you," I said. "I couldn't let anything happen to you." I turned to look into his eyes.

"You're so amazing, Rose," said Adrian, taking one of my hands between both of his. "You deserve the world. When you find the right guy he'll be lucky."

"Aww, Adrian," I said, blinking to hide the tears forming in my eyes. "You're amazing too." He snorted.

"No. I'm really not. Rose, I spend my life doing the minimum I need to do to get by. I date stupid, easy girls because any of the smart ones have enough sense to stay miles away from me. Except for you. You're different." I stared into those emerald green eyes.

"I see more to you than that, Adrian," I said, squeezing his hand. "There's so much more to you than that. I don't even think you see it yourself."

"I feel the same way about you sometimes."

"I guess we're good for each other then."

"That's why we can't ever ruin this," said Adrian. "You're the best woman I know, but I need your friendship more than I need anything."

"I know exactly what you mean," I said, squeezing him close to me. "I'm just glad we agree." We rested there together in silence, leaning against one another, our fingers intertwined. I felt so comfortable with Adrian—completely and totally at peace.

"I wish my head would stop throbbing," said Adrian finally, after a long moment of silence.

"Mine too," I agreed. "Do you have any Tylenol?" Adrian frowned.

"No."

"I figured as much."

"I have more alcohol."

"No way in hell!" I exclaimed. "I'm never drinking again." Adrian snorted with laughter.

"You say that every time, Rose. Give it a few days."

"Oh, you're right," I agreed reluctantly. Somehow the threat of a bad hangover never seemed to stop me until it was too late.

"Adrian Ivashkov was right about something for once in his life!" Adrian announced, throwing a fist in the air.

"Hey, there's a first time for everything." That earned me a punch in the arm.

"Ouch!" I swung a playful punch back at him.

"You hit like a girl!" he teased.

"You're just lucky I like you," I replied. Had I punched him as hard as I could have, he'd probably be on the floor crying, providing that he was still conscious.

A faint noise caught my attention. I recognized it a moment later as the vibration of my cell phone.

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed, climbing from the bed and reaching into my clutch that I'd tossed on the floor. A quick glance told me that I had seventeen missed calls from Lissa. I'd never told her that I was staying with Adrian!

"What's wrong?" asked Adrian.

"Lissa didn't know where I was last night. I gotta go."

"Oh, fuck. Okay." Adrian sat up as I grabbed my things and prepared to walk out the door.

"I'll catch you later," I said. "Thanks for the shirt, by the way." I turned and left. Mercifully, it was still relatively early, so no one saw me leaving Adrian's dorm. There were a few people out walking on campus, but no one seemed to notice me as I darted back to my own dorm. I called Lissa as I ran.

"Rose!" she exclaimed frantically, answering on the first ring. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said quickly. I tried to continue to explain, but was cut off.

"Then why the hell didn't you answer your phone?" Lissa demanded. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been? You never came home and I had no idea where you were! I was about to call campus security and tell them you were missing!"

"Geez, chill Mom," I said sarcastically, knowing that would piss her off. "Look, I'm sorry. I was at the party with Adrian. We were walking back afterwards and he started getting really sick. So I helped him get up to his dorm, and I didn't want to leave him alone, so I stayed."

"And you couldn't let me know?" Lissa asked, but I could tell by her voice that she'd already calmed down a little.

"I'm really, really sorry, Liss. I just forgot. My phone was silenced and in my purse. I didn't hear it." I heard her sigh in frustration.

"I was so afraid something bad had happened to you." I heard her voice crack. "Rose, I didn't know what to do." I felt a horrible stab of guilt.

"It's okay, Liss. I'm fine. I'm almost home." I walked through the door to our building and headed upstairs. I hung up the phone as I opened our door. Lissa was standing in the center of the room and sprung over to give me a hug as soon as she saw me.

"Don't ever do that again!"

"I won't, Liss. I'm really sorry." I was. I knew that if she'd gone out without coming home and I hadn't heard from her, I'd have been just as worried too.

Lissa seemed to cheer up relatively quickly since I was back. I sprawled out on my bed, still feeling pretty awful, although my head was a slight bit better. Lissa disappeared for a moment and reappeared with a cup of water and some Tylenol. I hadn't even asked her for it.

"How'd you know?" I asked, grinning.

"My super psychic abilities told me," she joked. "That and you look like hell."

"Gee, thanks."

"So, how was the party?" she asked eagerly. I spent the next half an hour giving her most of the details, leaving out the part where I'd kissed Adrian, because I was honestly a little embarrassed about it.

I spent a lot of the weekend in my bed, still feeling the effects of the alcohol. I eventually got up to get food, and by Sunday I decided, with Lissa's coaxing, that I should probably look at some schoolwork.

Monday morning showed up much earlier than I would have liked. As we trudged across campus to the science building for chemistry class, I decided that the only good thing about Monday mornings was getting to see Dr. Belikov. He was worth getting out of bed for—not to mention worth getting into bed with, or so I had to assume. I chuckled quietly at my thoughts as we walked.

"What?" asked Lissa, glancing over at me.

"Nothing," I answered.

"You're thinking about Dr. Belikov again."

"How'd you know?"

"Rose, you've been my best friend since we were five years old. Half the time your thoughts are easier for me to understand than my own."

"Yeah, that's just because I don't have a gigantic brain that understands differential calculus and particle physics and rocket science, or whatever the hell you're studying." She just shook her head and laughed.

Settling into our seats, I waited for Dr. Belikov to walk through the door. He did, a moment later. He was dressed more professional looking today, in a white button-down and a gray tie, and black dress pants. His hair was pulled into a ponytail at the base of his neck. It looked good on him—really good. He glanced up, and when his eyes met mine he smirked a little.

"Oh, no, he has our quizzes from Friday," Lissa pointed out. Lissa always worried way too much about grades, only to find that she always got an A anyway. Dr. Belikov started calling out names and handing back quizzes.

"Lissa Dragomir." Lissa raised her hand and he handed her quiz back to her. She instantly frowned, shaking her head.

"What's wrong?" I asked. She showed her quiz to me. Marked in red pen at the top was 13.5/15. "Oh, Liss, that's not bad at all. You worry way too much."

"I can do better!" Lissa insisted. "I need to do better!" I shook my head at her. Dr. Belikov walked towards us again. He held out a paper and it took me a second to realize he was handing it to me.

"Nice job, Rose." I took the paper from him. And almost fainted.

"No way!" hissed Lissa, glancing at me jealously. 15/15. I'd gotten a perfect score. That never happened to me! And I'd gotten a higher grade than Lissa. Pigs might as well have just started soaring through the lecture hall. I stared at the paper, my eyes wide in disbelief. "Good job, Rose! That's awesome!" exclaimed Lissa. I knew she was happy for me, but I could hear disappointment in her tone.

"Don't worry. It's only the first quiz of the year. I still have plenty of tests left to fuck up!" That came out a little louder than I'd meant for it to. Dr. Belikov, who'd was handing a paper back to someone who sat a few chairs to the right of me, glanced over and cocked an eyebrow.

"Pessimism, pessimism," Lissa sighed, shaking her head.

"Hey, if that glass is half full, it had better be vodka, and it won't be full for long." I grinned.

"After Friday night, you're never allowed to drink again," hissed Lissa quietly.

"Yes, Mother," I replied, mockingly.

When the lecture began, I found myself actually paying attention. I mean, honestly, how could anyone _not_ pay attention to someone as gorgeous as Dr. Belikov? But I was actually caught up in the subject matter. It was interesting, learning how to calculate molar masses and compare mole ratios, and figure out limiting reactants. Holy shit, I was becoming a nerd. It just seemed to click with me—I understood it easily. Before I knew it, lecture was ending, I'd taken five pages of notes, and I was actually disappointed that it was over so soon. As Lissa and I filed out of the lecture hall, I noticed Dr. Belikov's eyes on me. I flashed him a grin and noticed Lissa roll her eyes.

"I feel like chemistry is going to be a really difficult class," complained Lissa, as we walked outside.

"I don't think it's bad," I said, honestly. "I actually understand it pretty well. Finally there's a subject I'm good at."

"Rose, you'd be good at anything if you paid attention. You're doing well at chemistry because you like Dr. Belikov so you actually listen to what he says." I chuckled.

"Okay, so it's something like that. But maybe I can help you with chem, Liss," I offered.

"Well, _that_ would be a reversal of roles!" she exclaimed.

"Hey, do you want my help or not?"

"Sure," she answered. "But I think I'll stop by office hours too, to see if I can get some help from Dr. Belikov."

"Office hours?" I asked.

"Yes," replied Lissa. My expression must have looked blank, because after a second she added, "Office hours are when you can go to a professor's office and ask them for help."

"Oh," I said. "And you're going to go see Dr. Belikov?"

"Yep."

"Hmm." My mind started to wander.

"No! Rose! Don't get any ideas." I just laughed and kept my mouth shut. This was going to be fun.


End file.
